Excersus XXXIV: Gods vs. Zombies

The question is whether revivified Jesus is a zombie or a ghost. I lean towards zombie, as Matthew 28.9 clearly shows his followers holding his feet, which means he had to have been corporeal, and therefore, zombie.

Or rather, God himself who became a zombie in order to sacrifice himself to himself in order to allow himself to forgive his creation from taking a magic fruit from a woman made out of his ribcage after a magic snake talked her into it. Which all just goes to show that the Christian god is just about the last person you want to come up with solutions to your problems. "So your kid got into trouble with the matches you put right next to him while you were busy watching reruns of Alf? Well, the best thing would be to make him and his descendents suffer for, oh, say, four thousand years, THEN cut your own finger off and call it even. You're welcome."

- Count Dolby von Luckner